Shove Me Back Into Line
by Xtina Jones
Summary: "The last five months have been downright bloody awful and you suppose that you deserve what's happened." A short, as of right now, piece on Mac dealing with what might happen as a result of Will's actions in 2x03 ("Willie Pete"). Slight AU, slight spoilers.
1. Chapter 1

Hello fellow Newsroom fans. I've been trying to write a decent Newsroom fic for some time now and the events of 2x03 finally provided me with enough of a push to get something up on here!

The timeline of this story is a little all over the place/vague and I'm gonna say it takes place during the 5+ months following episode 2x03 (obviously my own version of events since sadly Aaron Sorkin has not sent me the rest of the season). Since this is my first fic in this fandom I would really appreciate any and all feedback on this. I know it might be a bit overly dramatic and angsty, but that's what 2x03 did to me.

Anyways, enjoy. (I don't own Newsroom, etc.)

* * *

"I've been an ass."

He says this to you on a Friday evening an hour before you go on air while you're standing in his office rattling off some final notes for the night's show.

You finish your sentence and then acknowledge his statement; he clearly wasn't listening to anything you just said.

You shake your head at him and force out a small smile.

"No, you haven't been. You've been perfectly fine. Please just remember to not openly mock any of the Occupy guests tonight."

You want to get out of this room as quickly as possible because he's looking at you in that way where his blue eyes are all soft and caring and regretful and you're not sure what else, and his head is tilted at that slight angle like it always is when he wants to say something important but he isn't quite sure how.

"Mac, I think you and I both know that I've been an ass with the whole Nina thing–"

"Will. The Occupy protestors. Try to respect them. And check in with Neal before you go on for some last minute stats he has on the movement. Good luck tonight."

You interrupt him before he can detect your overwhelming urge to visibly cringe at hearing the name 'Nina' uttered from his lips and before you start screaming and crying and hitting him until you no longer have any emotions left inside of you.

He opens his mouth to speak but you turn on your heel and are out the door before he can say another word.

* * *

The last five months have been downright bloody awful and you suppose that you deserve what's happened. You don't know what you expected, but you didn't think it would be _this_.

First there's all the American Taliban backlash, then Maggie and the Africa trip catastrophe, then the Genoa story starts to unravel and blows up in their faces, and then…_this_.

This…_thing_, this…_situation_, this new alternate twisted reality you are now living in.

You actually found out about…the _thing_ all on your own, and quite accidentally, almost five months ago.

It turns out going for a run in Central Park on a Saturday morning is not a good way to clear your head because you might come upon your ex-boyfriend and a certain gossip columnist strolling hand in hand on the path ahead of you.

Colleagues (and former enemies) do not hold hand and lean into each other while they take leisurely walks in parks on Saturday mornings. And they most certainly do not steal a quick kiss on the lips and share a small, secret smile with each other either.

You immediately sprinted in the opposite direction before they could notice you and you didn't stop running until you were a block from your apartment and your lungs were screaming for air.

You didn't feel the pain in your lungs because there was a more raw pain bursting elsewhere in your chest.

* * *

You allow yourself just one night alone in your apartment with a bottle of wine to cry and wallow and regret and feel guilty and be angry. Then you force yourself to carry on as if nothing has happened and nothing has changed and everything is fine even though something _has_ happened and _everything_ has changed and absolutely _nothing_ is fine.

No one seems to notice anything different at first, Will included, which somehow makes it all the more worse.

Sloan, Jim, and Charlie are of course the ones who end up detecting that something is off after a week of short words and limited contact and distracted behavior from you. They all separately choose to confront you about it on the same day in a span of six hours. You give each of them the same short, edited explanation of events but they still all give you pitying looks that you hate.

You don't want to be the woman hopelessly pining after the man she cheated on, but it seems like that's what you've become.

* * *

The first time you see them together does not hurt the most. You were too overcome with shock to really process and feel much else.

It is the several times you see them together after that which make you feel an acute, sharp sensation that never dulls in the gaping hole which you think used to be your heart.

* * *

You try going on dates several different times over those five months but you cannot get through any of them without feeling distracted and guilty and unsatisfied and like you're cheating, which is ironic, because you're not even with Will this time and he is clearly capable of dating someone who isn't you without feeling shitty about it. You don't understand how that can be because you feel absolutely horrible and _wrong_ after each failed date. This is probably a sign that whatever feelings Will might have had for you are now gone and you are the one who is left alone and confused and betrayed and heartbroken this time.

You hate yourself for thinking you have a right to feel any of those emotions because you don't. Not after what you did to him, to both of you. And it's not like he ever said he forgave you or that he wanted to get back together or that he still loved you. That was all foolish, wishful thinking on your part.

However you are starting to wonder if maybe you do have a right to feel alone and confused and betrayed and devastatingly heartbroken because you have tolerated nearly two years of Will's punishments and hurtful words and actions and all of his other ridiculous antics and you stayed through it all and all you wanted to know was what was on one lousy voicemail. You thought you deserved at least that piece of information from Will. And it would have been nice if he had told you that he and Nina were dating at least four months ago instead of just last week in your office right before the rundown meeting.

There are moments when you question why you put up with all of this. And then you remember that, against all reason and sense, you love William Duncan McAvoy and you always will.

You just don't know if you have enough physical, mental, and emotional strength left within you to endure much more of this soul-crushing, heart-aching torture.

* * *

I know it's a bit choppy but I needed to get this written and posted. Let me know what you thought and if you have any ideas for how to continue this story because I would very much like to. Thanks!


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed, favorited and/or followed this story! And thanks also for your great feedback, encouragement, and suggestions! I'm not entirely sure where I'm taking this and this chapter is kind of short but I wrote it today and wanted to get it posted.

This scene is what Mac refers to at the end of Chapter 1 .

Oh, I should have mentioned this last chapter, but the title of the story comes from a line in The Who's "You Better You Bet."

* * *

_One week earlier…_

"Nina and I are together."

He blurts this to you out of the blue one Monday morning in your office while you're trying to discuss which stories from the weekend are worthy of covering.

Even though you already know this, you think you do a pretty decent job of looking surprised by his statement because you honestly were caught off by it and thought he'd never have the balls to tell you to your face.

There are a few beats of silence where you just stare across your desk at him over the top of your glasses. He's staring back at you and fidgeting nervously which you're sadistically glad to see because you want him to squirm. You want him to be afraid.

"Oh, really?" you finally say. "That's a bit unexpected, but congratulations!"

Then you look back down at the notes and articles on your desk hoping your voice didn't sound as high-pitched and fake to him as it did to you.

"So since we're still struggling to get our credibility back with viewers, I think we should go with the returning veterans story over one of those fluff pieces. People need to see that we're still committed to our mission to civilize even though we slipped up."

He doesn't respond so she looks back up at him. He's looking at her like he's never seen her before and she has three heads.

"Will? Do you think it's a good move to do the returning vets story?"

He shakes his head as if he's waking himself up from a daydream.

"You're…okay with this?" he asks incredulously.

"Of course I'm okay with giving air time to America's returning war heroes instead of that frivolous Kardashian family or whoever they are."

You know what he's really asking about but you're going to make him work hard to get anything out of you. He's not going to break you.

"I'm not talking about the story, Mac."

You sigh and lean back in your chair. You really don't have the patience or emotional fortitude for this right now.

"Look, Will. I'm not going to tell you whom you can or cannot date; it's not my place. Your personal life is none of my business unless it is going to negatively affect the show or the team. Am I concerned and a bit perplexed as to why you would date…a gossip columnist? Yes. But you're a grown man who is perfectly capable of making his own decisions. And you're also perfectly capable of dealing with, and taking responsibility for, any consequences that might result from your…romantic involvement with a gossip columnist. Just be careful and don't do anything stupid."

'_Like fall in love with Nina-fucking-Howard,'_ you think to your yourself.

"So you're okay with this?" he asks again, gesturing vaguely in the air with his hands.

"If you're happy then I'm happy, Billy," you reply, forcing a smile that you hope looks sincere and not like it's about to crack into a sob.

You know that's not really an answer to his question, but you can't say yes when your mind and your heart are both screaming _'No! No I'm not fucking "okay with this!" I'll never be okay with this.'_

He looks at you skeptically again but you don't waver and he shrugs, giving up.

"Okay then," he sighs. "Let's go with the returning vets story. You know how much I disdain those Kevorkian sisters or whatever their names are. I'll see you in the rundown meeting?"

"I'll be there, just like I always am."

"Great!" he replies as he stands to leave your office.

You think you're home-free, but he pauses at your door as he's about to turn the handle and looks back over to you.

"I'm not happy," he says, staring meaningfully at you for a brief moment before slipping quickly out of the room.

You wait a few seconds to make sure he's not coming back and then you throw your head back in your chair and sigh exasperatedly.

Will McAvoy is going to be the death of you.


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks again to everyone for the comments, feedback, follows, and favorites! As you all know it means a lot!

So I really had no idea what this chapter was going to become and then Charlie decided he wanted to be in the story. I think this might be my favorite chapter so far just because I feel the best about it and think I'm getting into a decent groove with this story. Anyways, I hope you enjoy it and leave a note if you do!

As always, I do not own these characters, the TV show, or anything related to them.

* * *

"I need to leave."

Charlie looks up from the newspaper on his desk and stares unblinkingly at you for a few seconds as if he's assessing your mental stability.

"You've got vacation days," he says. "Take them!"

You take a deep breath before you speak again.

"Charlie. That's not what I meant. I don't want to go on a vacation. I need to leave ACN."

This time he folds his paper closed, rotates his chair away from you for a moment, and turns back holding two glasses of bourbon in his hands.

Sometimes you swear this man is a magician.

He clinks the glasses down.

"Sit," he commands, gesturing to the chairs in front of his desk.

You obey and plop yourself down in the chair closest to you.

"Drink," Charlie commands next.

You reach for your glass and toss it back, grimacing slightly at the burning sensation in your throat. You were never one for bourbon or whiskey like Charlie and Will, but that doesn't stop you from placing your glass down, reaching for Charlie's drink, and tossing that one back as well. Charlie smirks at you, clearly amused but also slightly concerned, and he silently refills both glasses; this time he wisely hold onto his. You slowly sip your third bourbon as Charlie begins to speak.

"What is this about, Mac? You typically don't come into my office at nine in the morning and down two bourbons in under ten seconds."

You narrow your eyes at him and give him a look that plainly says, 'Don't screw with me today.'

"You know what this is about, Charlie."

It's about the last seven years. It's about the last five months. It's about how your week went like this: Monday, Will shows up in your office and tells you he and Nina are 'together'; Tuesday, you see Will and Nina leave the office arm in arm after the show; Wednesday, you spot Will and Nina emerging from Will's car together as you're walking into the office that morning; Thursday, you come across a Page 6 column featuring the new darling couple of the NYC media while on your lunch break; Friday morning, you're in Charlie's office.

"Are you really going to let some gossip columnist floozy run you out of New York?"

"I'm not running away," you say defensively.

"I didn't say you were, but it doesn't sound like you're fighting to stay either," Charlie counters.

"I'm going to fulfill my contract. I'm not going to abandon my team. But I won't be asking for, or accepting, an extension or a new contract. It's time for me to move on."

Charlie tilts his head at you and looks at you in that way of his that's always made you feel like you've disappointed your second father figure.

"Do you honestly believe that, MacKenzie?"

Now he's even using your full name like he's scolding you.

You sigh again.

"I really do believe that this time, Charlie. I've done what I came here to do: I helped turn News Night back into a respectable news show that we can all be proud of and I know that the team will be able to continue producing a high-caliber program without me. I will spend the remaining months on my contract transitioning Jim into my position. You and I both know he's the obvious choice for EP."

"I'm not going to disagree with you on any of that, Mac, but have you talked to Will about this? You know how he handles change."

"Will likes Jim and he'll just have to get used to him as his EP. Will might have the right to fire me every week, but he does not control me or my decisions, personal or professional."

"So that's a 'no' then on talking to Will?"

You roll your eyes at Charlie's persistence; you have to give the man some credit for trying.

"There's nothing I need to talk to Will about."

Charlie quirks his eyebrows up at you and looks at you like you truly have gone mad. He crosses his arms over his chest and leans across his desk toward you.

"Mac, I'm not trying to get involved in either of your personal lives–"

"But you are."

"– but I am, only a little bit, because I care about the two of you! I've known both of you for God knows how many years now and I've seen you both at some of your happiest points and your lowest points. I'm not saying or doing this just because I want to keep the best EP around, which you are by the way; I'm saying this and doing this because I am your friend. Now can't you cut Will a little bit of slack here? It was just one date with Nina Howard over a week ago."

You sigh for approximately the tenth time since walking into Charlie's office this morning and pinch the bridge of your nose. It's a good thing you drank all that bourbon because at least you'll have liquid courage for what's about to come.

"They've been together for five months," you whisper.

"What?!" Charlie exclaims, slapping his hands on his desk. "How is that possible?"

"Do you remember that day about four months ago when you came into my office and asked me why I had seemed a bit…not myself for a few weeks?"

"Yes…"

"And do you remember how I told you it was because I had seen Will with someone in Central Park a few weeks before that?"

"Yes…"

"Well the woman I saw with Will that Saturday in the park was Nina. And I saw them together several times over the course of the last five months. It seemed that no matter where I went I would glimpse them just coming or going from where I was headed. As far as I know they never saw me and if they did they never indicated that they had. So when Will came into my office Monday morning to tell me that he was with Nina, I wasn't surprised because I've known for five months. I've been torturing myself every day for five months. That's why to you this meeting seems out of the blue and impulsively spurred on by some gossip rag trash, but to me…to me this has been a damn long time coming."

When you finish your confession (at least it feels like a confession to you because you've been carrying this around with you for so long now with no one to talk to about it), you release a deep breath and sink back into your chair.

Charlie springs up from his own chair and slams his fist into his desk, rattling both of your glasses.

"I'm going to strangle that idiot, ass of a man with my bare hands!" Charlie shouts angrily.

You leap from your seat too and step in front of Charlie before he can leave his office and actually carry out his threat (though you wouldn't mind witnessing Charlie handing Will a verbal and physical beating). Charlie might be an older guy, but you've always thought that if properly inspired he could probably kick the asses of everyone in the office.

"Charlie! Keep your voice down!" you plead as you hold out your arms to stop him.

"That insufferably stubborn and insolent lead anchor of mine is _sleeping with the enemy!_"

You wince slightly.

"I know that, Charlie. But please calm down. I'd really prefer if you didn't cause a scene over this."

"Aren't you _angry_?! Aren't you annoyed and frustrated and…and…fed up with his bullshit?"

"Of course I am. But I've had my time to be angry and annoyed and frustrated and fed up. I'm past all of that and I would really, really, _really_ appreciate it if you didn't say anything to Will, or anyone else for that matter, about this conversation and my plan to leave and the fact that I've known about this for several months. By all means, go into Will's office this afternoon and bust his balls for the Page 6 column. But if you're my friend and you care about me, you won't say anything else. Please, Charlie."

Charlie does an odd and unexpected thing. He grasps you by the elbows and steps back from you as though he's looking at his daughter before she goes off to college and he's realizing for the first time that she's an independent woman now and not his little girl anymore. You swear you see Charlie's eyes water a little bit but you can't be sure because then he's suddenly pulling you into a hug.

At first you stand there awkwardly because even though Charlie has been a fatherly figure to you he's never been overly touchy-feely with his emotions. In fact, you think the last time he hugged you was the first time he saw you after you got back from the Middle East. The feeling of awkwardness passes quickly though, and you return Charlie's hug. He smells like bourbon and cigars and ink and newspaper and some other unidentifiable earthy smell that is just _Charlie_ and comfort and support and family.

The hug is brief but it means everything to you. Until this moment you were convinced that you were just going to lose it and collapse on the newsroom floor in despair and defeat at any moment. Now you think you might make it through another few days or a week or maybe even a month if you try really hard.

"I'm sorry, Mac," Charlie says sincerely as he releases you from the hug.

You smile sadly back at him and shrug.

"It's not your fault. Things were bound to turn out this way eventually."

"No, they weren't," Charlie replies, giving you a knowing glance.

He really is making this difficult for you.

"It's better this way."

"Better for who, Mac?"

You just glare at him and ignore his question.

"You mean 'whom.' And I've gotta get to the rundown meeting."

Charlie sighs, giving up for now (you hope).

"I'll talk to corporate and legal about contract details and transitioning Jim. And I'll keep my mouth shut about the Nina thing. But I'm only accepting your decision to leave if you talk to Will about it first."

You open your mouth to protest but Charlie holds up his hand to silence you and he cuts you off.

"Hear me out. I'm not saying you have to talk to him about it today or next week, but he needs to know, MacKenzie. You're his EP and he's your anchor (_what you hear is 'You're his and he's yours.'_). Professionally, you need to be honest with him. Personally…well I think you know whose side I'm on in that situation. Just don't tell Will," Charlie says, winking at you.

You groan but you know that he's right. Disregarding your long and complicated personal history, as Will's EP you owe it to him to be upfront about your career plans.

"Fine, I'll tell Will," you grumble.

"Attagirl! Now get the hell out of my office! Don't you have a show to run?"

"Nice talking to you too, Charlie," you chuckle as you head for the door.

"Mac," Charlie says, freezing you in the doorway, halfway in the hallway and halfway in the office.

"Yes?" you ask, turning back.

"Don't give up."

You want to ask him what he's talking about. Don't give up on what? The show? Will? Love? Life in general? But he has picked up his newspaper again and is holding it so you can't see his face. You know this is your cue to leave so you just shake your head and make your way back to your own office.

You spend the whole day hearing Charlie's words echoing repeatedly in your head.

'_Don't give up. Don't give up. Don't give up.'_


End file.
